Safe Spaces. Refuges. Havens. Sanctuaries. We all have them. We all look for them, and we all work together to create them with the people we love most in our lives. A safe space is somewhere where we can be ourselves. It’s a space where we can try and fail. We can learn, grow and become better. They are safe because we don’t have to be afraid of what happens in that space. No danger can touch those spaces. Whether it's a physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional attack, we build these safe spaces with walls that are beyond bulletproof.
We start building this network when we are children. Our families and friends rally around us to create those refugees from the storms of everyday life. I have always looked back to my incredible childhood with a heart full of gratitude. I have met so many amazing people in so many amazing places, and the sanctuaries they’ve helped me build have kept me afloat in the darkest moments of my life. Many of my safe havens have weathered the 22-year storm of my life, but I have also seen so many of those safe spaces swallowed up.
I remember watching the news in 2007. Flashes of a beautiful college campus marred by gun violence scarred my young mind. Fear filled my heart for not only the students at Virginia Tech but other colleges campuses. It tinted my dreams of a happy, carefree college experience. Reminded me that terrible things happen, and I could be a victim at any time on my campus. Still, to this day, every time an alert sweeps the campus system you can see fear sweep across the students checking their phones and hoping for false alarms. The walls of our safe space to learn and grow and shape each other dissolved, leaving a wave of anxiety and apprehension in the wake of them.
I also remember the day in December of 2012 when I cried as I felt the haven of schools wash away. The day when the unthinkable happened and a class of young children was slaughtered along with several of their teachers and other adults trying to keep them safe. I first felt the walls of the haven crumble through the whisperings of other students as we all heard about the elementary school that was attacked. The walls continued to crumble throughout the day as the death of so many innocent kids were revealed. Space, where we worked so hard to keep children safe, became a space where vigilance and fear are always present. I now not only face fear in my own education space, but I am afraid for my sisters and mother (who works in the school system). I also can’t help but wonder about my future kids, how will it feel for them to go to school shrouded in fear?
I remember the day a young man shattered the religious world by single-handedly murdering a whole bible study class in South Carolina. This was also hard for me to fathom. Churches have always been a sanctuary in my life. I have always felt that religion is one of the safest places to be in the world. There are very few people who attack religious sanctuaries with vigor. At most, there are usually some protesters outside of a building, but very few people will cross the line of violence in a religious setting. Before 2015 it never crossed my mind that someone would take advantage of a group of people worshipping. I found peace, comfort, and solace in the walls of my chapel each day I was there. The months after the Charleston church shooting that all changed. I was serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and we started having meetings to discuss security in buildings and what we could do if we faced a situation similar or more escalated than Charleston. Chapels became a stage where fear and vulnerability played a supporting role. A holy sanctuary was torn down.
There are very few words to express how hard it is to think about Orlando. The violence exhibited there hurt many not only because of the mass scope of the deaths and injuries but because of the way the attack was carried out. The fact that the assailant picked a place that is so often seen as a safe haven for the LGBTQ community horrified me. He singlehandedly stripped an entire community of one of the only places that provide them space to freely express themselves violently and senselessly. To a community which has very few safe havens in the first place, I can’t even to begin to imagine the damage and sorrow are left in the wake of that attack.
One of the latest safe havens torn down in my life was the baseball field. My family and I spent hours at the baseball fields in my younger years. My sisters and I played softball leagues, and our family often played in summer games when the extended family gathered in Utah. Even just walking onto a park and rec field today brings a memory of the family I built through hours of practice and games. That all collapsed when news of an attack made on congressman gathered for a baseball game reached me in June. Even some places so small and ordinary, so recreational, can be brought down and painted forever with a hint of apprehension.
This morning I woke up to another earth-shattering revelation. Music, especially live music has been one of the greatest safe havens in my young adult years. My mum and I have chased her favorite band across state lines and back a few times. I treasure the time I’ve been able to spend with her getting to know her through music and fun times. It's also a personal escape. This August I was able to attend LoveLOUD. A music festival put together to support the LGBTQ community in Provo/Orem Utah. I treasure the feeling of love, community, and just pure joy I felt as Imagine Dragons and other talented artists shared their music with us. A concert is a place to come together and just feel all of the raw feelings. That’s what the victims of last night’s shooting were looking for. That’s what the artists were seeking to provide. That’s what I wanted to continue to enjoy, and share with the people I love in the future, but NO. I won’t be able to focus on the feeling of the bass in my chest, because what if those beats become interrupted by lethal shots. What if taps on the cymbals are interrupted by the taps of bullets hitting a stage. Where will I run? How will I keep the people I love safe? The walls of this refuge have crumbled.
How many more of my safe spaces will crumble in my lifetime?
This morning I’ve reflected on six incidents. These six events rocked my world in one way or another, but they are only a small portion of violence inflicted by guns in the United States over the last few decades. There has been a weapon discharged on school grounds almost every week since December 2104. Domestic Violence and mass shootings in the home have been on the rise. More and more gun accidents where children hurt themselves, friends or family members have taken place. Last night Stephen Paddock took upwards of 50 innocent lives.
The families and victims of all of these attacks should be on everyone’s minds and in all of the prayers, but it is time to do better than just prayers and thoughts. Prayer is powerful. It works to change hearts, minds, and actions. But we also have to take responsibility. The people who are in charge of regulating the use of firearms in this country need to realize that gun control is not an attack on the people of the United States it is a way to protect our people from the very violence we witnessed last night. Fighting fire with fire only increases the heat. As long as we are more worried about our own safety in our own homes than the security of children in a classroom or people at a music festival, we can count on even more of these safe places being destroyed. We need to do better, and Whatever better means for us, whether it's more background checks, less ammunition, restrictions on the kinds of weapons available, or any other solution, it needs to happen NOW.
Things you can do NOW:
-Call your local leaders. Let them know that you are tired of this! Help them understand what they can do to fix this!
-Vote in your local elections and be informed on legislation that will help the USA solve these problems. This is a YOU problem and a WE issue. This is an EVERYONE problem that will not be solved until we take responsibility.
-Start conversations, promote understanding, and find compromises that will keep more Americans safe and still give freedoms to those who desire them.
-Be a safe space. With so many places crumbling down, we need good people spreading hope and light in communities. We need to focus more on those around us, and less on ourselves. Reach out, learn about others, and be the safe space they need.
-Don’t give up. This world is a dark place with danger around every corner, but it’s also a beautiful place full of people who have the capacity to change and love deeply. Work hard to see that light and spread it in your own community. Tragedies are the worst of times, but they can often bring out the best in people, let that happen in your life and find a way to band together instead of drift apart.
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